(Heck, even Rupert Murdoch finds Scientologists "creepy, maybe even evil", which feels a little like the death of irony.)Ĭombine that with the "Save Katie" campaign that began before their improbable marriage (honestly, where's Pacey when you need him, eh?), her seemingly constant pained (IMPRISONED? BRAINWASHED?) expression and the inherent weirdness of Cruise and you've got more conspiracy theories than a lifetime of drunken ramblings from Oliver Stone. Scientology may, ultimately, be no wackier in its beliefs than any mainstream religion but the image around it, fanned by articles such as the one that appeared in the New Yorker last year detailing screenwriter's Paul Haggis eventual abandonment of the beliefs, certainly make it seem weirder.
#Tom cruise katie holmes plus
While the People magazine offices are presumably still in a state of "shock", as silent as a Scientologist mother giving birth who is biting back her screams of pain so as "not to traumatise the baby", the reaction of others is more akin to the tone conveyed by one headline on the gossip website Gawker: " Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Divorcing Because They Couldn't Fake Being in Love Forever and Plus She's Not a Dude." The only thing the tabloids adore more than a rumoured celebrity pregnancy is a good ol' celebrity divorce and Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes's "shocking split", as People magazine adorably described it, was always going to be a doozy. Although he might object to the evil bit. So it's not like I'm insulting him here or anything. In fact, he'd probably say something similar himself, seeing as he is – as you may have heard – a devout Scientologist and, as well as believing things such as that the only reason people follow any religions other than Scientology is because 75 billion years ago their souls were brainwashed after being forced to watch a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for 36 days (and to be fair to Scientology, that does sound like my idea of hell), Scientologists claim that a person is not a person but, in fact, an extraterrestrial, or thetan. And you know what? Tom really won't mind me saying that. That is because, despite being blessed with a face that came straight from the Handsome Factory, this is purely a mask (literally, from the Handsome Factory) and, despite its skilfully elasticated nature, this mask may stop Cruise ever ageing but it cannot disguise his inherently creepy, his inherently alien nature. See? It is literally impossible to imagine him any other way but with a smooth plastic groin, as genital-free as a Ken doll. Seriously, just try to imagine Cruise naked. And that is because Cruise, as everyone knows, is an alien.
Decorum, maturity and tactfully quiet understanding must be maintained.Īny marriage, that is, except one that involves Tom Cruise. Sympathy of the highest order should be expressed from those on the outside but, really, if you don't actually know the couple, nothing should be said at all. I t is, of course, a desperately sad thing when any marriage breaks up.
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